"Search me, O God, and know my heart." (Psalm 139)
These past few days have been a roller coaster of emotions.
There have been feelings of doubt, vulnerability, anxiousness, anger, jealousy, and sadness...but even through it emotions of hapiness, joyfulness, boldness, confidence, gratefulness; the feeling of being alive!
As I sit here in this small cafe on base, I feel totally emotionless...but not in a bad way.
It is today that I surrender everything that I feel, everything I wish, and everything I hope for and give it all to God in surrender to Him.
I think back to the first day when I got here in Australia, and the feeling of doubt that came and engulfed every part of me. I was NOT happy to be here.
My heart cried to go back to my family, my friends, my mentor, my comfortable little home.
But if there was one thing I learned in this time it is that I cannot do what God wants me to do and still be comfortable, still live in my sin, be led by the emotions that come and go.
If we truly want to follow him there is a question we all must answer:
"Are you in OR are you out."
He does not want us half in and half out, he wants all of us or none of us.
Revelation 3:16
"So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth."
Ouch.
I don't know if that hurts you, but it definitely hurts me.
While I've been here I've let my emotions run my relationship with the Lord.
But my heart screams: NOT ANY MORE.
and I hope that will be the cry of your heart today.
This is not easy, it is so much easier to type this out istead of live it out.
So easy to be passive and go through the motions, think that everything I need to know will be given to me so easily.
But there is a fight to be fought, and He doesn't promise it will be easy.
Worth it? absolutely.
In just a few hours I will have to make a BIG decision.
While I'm here I'll be doing a 6 week outreach, in which I will have to pick today
the options are:
~Darwin (Australia)
~Papua New Guinea Trekking team (intense backpacking)
~Somewhere in North Queensland (Australia)
~London
~Papua new guinea+medical ship
To tell you the truth when I saw these options I knew exactly the one I wanted to do, but as I prayed and asked God, He told me something much different, something I was not very happy with Him about. Okay that's an understatement...I was furious.
Proverbs 3:5
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."
Although I do not understand why He answered me in the way He did, I will faithfully follow and trust Him.
Today I will die to myself, die to my emotions and live out of obedience, surrender everything to Him. Choose to live hot for him rather than the lukewarmness I've grown to live in and be fond of.
Search me, God. Know my heart. Know that I will follow you wherever you lead. Have all of me and do with me whatever You want. You know what's best for me and are in total control, and with that I have a peace that passes all understanding.
Please pray for me and the other ywam students who have to make the big outreach decision today. We are about to experience God in a very new and very powerful way.
stretched.
mariah
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Get Ready, Get Set...
It's been about two weeks since I said goodbye to close friends, family, my home.
But what a journey it's been so far.
After a three hour flight to Los Angeles, a ten hour lay over at a boring international airport, a long fourteen hour flight to Sydney, a two hour flight to Brisbane...phew... and an hour flight to Townsville;
I am FINALLY in Australia.
and get this...
with all the money (yes all $10,000) raised to do Youth With A Mission.
Can I get an amen?!
I am so blessed to have people in my life willing to support me in this great adventure of being led and used by God. I really can't thank you enough!
Although it's been only a few days ago since I left my small, little, Minnesota town; it might as well have been a few years.
Becuase I've really jam packed years of experiences into this short time.
some of these things include:
But by far, the best thing about these two weeks has been the whole reason I came to Australia; to learn, to grow, to be challenged, and to be broken all for the sake of the one who died on the cross for my sins.
I'm not going to lie it's been a rough couple of weeks. Motivation has been a struggle, learning to live with a bunch of people with different personalities and backgrounds a real challenge, and being on my own for the first time in my life is both refreshing and terrifying.
But God is bigger than my burdens, bigger than my fears, bigger than how I feel , and He reminds me every day that I'm here for a reason.
Through it all it's been amazing to see all these people here, these people that are just like me in that they also heard the call to be here and trusted in God to provide. These people that yearn to see His face, that are stepping outside of their comfort zones to step into "God's zone,"
We are just ordinary, common people wanting to be used by God...and I believe He'll meet us right where we're at.
We have come here from all over the world.
Different in so many ways but united in Christ
whether we're ready or not
God is saying, "Get ready, get set..."
"GO"
challenged.
mariah
But what a journey it's been so far.
After a three hour flight to Los Angeles, a ten hour lay over at a boring international airport, a long fourteen hour flight to Sydney, a two hour flight to Brisbane...phew... and an hour flight to Townsville;
I am FINALLY in Australia.
and get this...
with all the money (yes all $10,000) raised to do Youth With A Mission.
Can I get an amen?!
I am so blessed to have people in my life willing to support me in this great adventure of being led and used by God. I really can't thank you enough!
Although it's been only a few days ago since I left my small, little, Minnesota town; it might as well have been a few years.
Becuase I've really jam packed years of experiences into this short time.
some of these things include:
- eating kangaroo
- climbing a huge, mountenous hill in the rain.
- doing hands on work on a medical ship to prepare for its journey to Papua New Guinea later this year. (It's mission is to bring medical supplies over to clean the mouths and teeth of these people with no expense to them; but not only that to show the love of Jesus in a very real, and practical way)
- seeing a three foot long lizard walk casually in the streets of Townsville
- fishing without a fishing rod
- sharing a small, little living space with fifty other girls (in which there are only two bathrooms and two showers-yes please pray)
- my whole body getting burnt so bad that I could hardly walk without cringing...apparently American sunscreen isn't strong enough
- finding cockroaches in the shower and on the walls beside my bed, and enduring the screams of the girls when they are found and eventually killed.
- have met some pretty awesome people, one of them in which I can already call one of my best friends.
But by far, the best thing about these two weeks has been the whole reason I came to Australia; to learn, to grow, to be challenged, and to be broken all for the sake of the one who died on the cross for my sins.
I'm not going to lie it's been a rough couple of weeks. Motivation has been a struggle, learning to live with a bunch of people with different personalities and backgrounds a real challenge, and being on my own for the first time in my life is both refreshing and terrifying.
But God is bigger than my burdens, bigger than my fears, bigger than how I feel , and He reminds me every day that I'm here for a reason.
Through it all it's been amazing to see all these people here, these people that are just like me in that they also heard the call to be here and trusted in God to provide. These people that yearn to see His face, that are stepping outside of their comfort zones to step into "God's zone,"
We are just ordinary, common people wanting to be used by God...and I believe He'll meet us right where we're at.
Different in so many ways but united in Christ
whether we're ready or not
God is saying, "Get ready, get set..."
"GO"
challenged.
mariah
Monday, January 9, 2012
Only The Beginning
60 hours until I leave for Australia!!
For those of you who don't want to do the math I leave Thursday, January 12th, at 1:00 p.m.
quick update on finances: I have $9,500 raised right now! My goal is $10,000 (this will cover all my Youth With A Mission expenses and plane tickets). Thank you for all of you people who have supported me in prayer and finances! God is using you, no matter how little or how much you give!! Thank you.
Destination: Townsville, Australia
(asia.com)
(Just to let you know this isn't going to be a looooong blog post; for two main reasons; One... because it's one in the morning; and two...because I'm going to have SO much to tell you next weekend after experiencing one week with the Aussies)
A lot of people have been asking me if I'm getting nervous. At first my response was not at all!
Second person that asked me, my response: no not really, maybe a LITTLE bit.
Third, I'm going to miss friends and family but I know I'm going to have a great time doing Youth With A Mission.
after the tenth person, I don't want to leave everyone! But I will go out of obedience to God.
It's been a struggle, not going to lie. I didn't think it was going to be this hard to say goodbye to everyone!
But I'm very thankful for this being a hard thing.
If you would have asked me last year if I would get on a plane, fly to Australia alone, and live there for 6 months doing Youth With A Mission, with only two days notice. I probably would've immediately said yes.
Up till a few months ago, I really didn't have any close friends.
I had many friends don't get me wrong, but not a whole lot of them were Christians...or they called themselves Christians and didn't live their life like they were. I had no one keeping me accountable on how I was doing with my Bible reading, and my daily walk with the Lord. No one who would go out of their way to say, "Hey let's go out to lunch tommorow and let's just talk, tell me how you're really doing." No one to come along side me and teach me, mentor me on how to grow and walk in the Lord.
As I sit here, tears rolling down my face, I can say God. is. faithful.
I have friends that I can just hang out and joke around with, friends that I can ask to pray for me, or I for them, without feeling akward.
I have mentors who are willing to come along side me and be there for me. To ask me not the simple; hey how are you doing....but the hey how are you REALLY doing. Their teaching, guidance, and kindness blow me away each and every day.
I am thankful for these people in my life.
I love them so much.
A person I care for dearly, and love with all my heart. A lady that has been there for me since I was in junior high told me something very wise today, "life is like a book. You are starting this new chapter in your life and there are many blank pages to fill, and how exciting is that! But just remember you cannot write the book in just one day (it takes time)."
Goodbyes and hugs have been the highlight of these last few days before I leave. Many tears have been shed, many gifts given, many promises to skype, email, and facebook.
But one thing that God has been making clear to me is; Yes I may be saying goodbye now, and I am starting a new chapter in my life, but this...this is only the beginning.
grateful,
mariah
For those of you who don't want to do the math I leave Thursday, January 12th, at 1:00 p.m.
quick update on finances: I have $9,500 raised right now! My goal is $10,000 (this will cover all my Youth With A Mission expenses and plane tickets). Thank you for all of you people who have supported me in prayer and finances! God is using you, no matter how little or how much you give!! Thank you.
(asia.com)
(Just to let you know this isn't going to be a looooong blog post; for two main reasons; One... because it's one in the morning; and two...because I'm going to have SO much to tell you next weekend after experiencing one week with the Aussies)
A lot of people have been asking me if I'm getting nervous. At first my response was not at all!
Second person that asked me, my response: no not really, maybe a LITTLE bit.
Third, I'm going to miss friends and family but I know I'm going to have a great time doing Youth With A Mission.
after the tenth person, I don't want to leave everyone! But I will go out of obedience to God.
It's been a struggle, not going to lie. I didn't think it was going to be this hard to say goodbye to everyone!
But I'm very thankful for this being a hard thing.
If you would have asked me last year if I would get on a plane, fly to Australia alone, and live there for 6 months doing Youth With A Mission, with only two days notice. I probably would've immediately said yes.
Up till a few months ago, I really didn't have any close friends.
I had many friends don't get me wrong, but not a whole lot of them were Christians...or they called themselves Christians and didn't live their life like they were. I had no one keeping me accountable on how I was doing with my Bible reading, and my daily walk with the Lord. No one who would go out of their way to say, "Hey let's go out to lunch tommorow and let's just talk, tell me how you're really doing." No one to come along side me and teach me, mentor me on how to grow and walk in the Lord.
As I sit here, tears rolling down my face, I can say God. is. faithful.
I have friends that I can just hang out and joke around with, friends that I can ask to pray for me, or I for them, without feeling akward.
I have mentors who are willing to come along side me and be there for me. To ask me not the simple; hey how are you doing....but the hey how are you REALLY doing. Their teaching, guidance, and kindness blow me away each and every day.
I am thankful for these people in my life.
I love them so much.
A person I care for dearly, and love with all my heart. A lady that has been there for me since I was in junior high told me something very wise today, "life is like a book. You are starting this new chapter in your life and there are many blank pages to fill, and how exciting is that! But just remember you cannot write the book in just one day (it takes time)."
Goodbyes and hugs have been the highlight of these last few days before I leave. Many tears have been shed, many gifts given, many promises to skype, email, and facebook.
But one thing that God has been making clear to me is; Yes I may be saying goodbye now, and I am starting a new chapter in my life, but this...this is only the beginning.
grateful,
mariah
Monday, January 2, 2012
Someday
I’m sorry I haven’t been blogging. Roughly two months of no blogging is not acceptable, especially when I’ve given out hundreds of bookmarks and letters that are telling you to come read my blog.
I’m going to make a habit of blogging weekly, and I ask that you would keep me accountable in doing that. If I’m not blogging as much as I need to be I would very much appreciate it if you would send me an email or leave a comment; I don’t want this to happen again.
Although my blogging consistency has been a fail I can honestly and joyfully say that my relationship with the Lord hasn’t. I can’t even begin to explain all the amazing things that have happened these past few weeks. This has been a season of growing, learning, being bold, new friends, haver friends, accountability partners, and much more. Just when I think I’m filled to the top with blessings, He says, “No Mariah, I am not limited. I am going to overflow you so that in part others may be overflowed and blessed as well.”
I use this blog to share with others what is challenging and inspiring me in my life, not to show others how well I can write (which isn’t at all what I am implying. I have Literature Professors and teachers reading my blog posts and I can only imagine all the errors they have seen already as they read this), but I write in hopes that it will also challenge and inspire YOU.
I am a very visual person. For me, to fully process and understand things I need to write them down…thus the pen and journal I have sitting beside me as I type this blog post. Or I need to write things down if I want to remember to do something or else it most likely won’t get done, some of you are shaking your heads in agreement I just know it!
As I look over the many to do lists, I see the same three words, “make blog post”-something I’ve been meaning to do for quite some time. But you know how it is, things come up and you say, “Oh! I’ll do it tomorrow.” –or- “I’d much rather spend time doing this; I'll make time for that another day…”
“Someday.”
Read these song lyrics by Press Play, see if they don’t challenge you as much as they've challenged me.
I’ve got one life to live this life
I’ve got one try to get it right.
I’ve got one try to change a life.
I’ve got one life. One life
My somedays have come and gone.
My somedays before me now.
My todays why I’m alive.
I’ve got one life
One life
Feel a little convicted? I sure did.
Makes me wonder, have I been waiting for those somedays that need to be happening today?
As I prepare to leave for Australia, and after listening to the Press Play song a couple dozen times, I here God asking me, “What do you want your life to be about?” “If you die today, would you have lived a good life, or a life full of regrets and somedays?”
I may not know what I want to major in or career I want to pursue, but one thing is certain- I want to be a servant of God who cares and loves others whole heartedly as He has loved you and me. I want to encourage and inspire those around me with my words and actions for His glory. I want to be used by God to change lives.
This starts today. It doesn’t start when I arrive in Australia, this starts here and now.
If you haven’t noticed already I love using videos and music on my blog. If you haven’t watched any of the videos so far (don’t worry I’m not offended) I encourage you, I challenge you, I pray that you would watch this one.
Inspired.
mariah
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